HA! When I woke up at 9:00am, I laughed at myself for a long time. How is it that Jesus' joy so fills my heart, that even in my most unconscious state, I instantly turn to praise? Instantly to faith?
This week has been filled with joy. Joy because my niece and nephew are so beautiful I can't stand it.
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Joy because Jesus is my portion.
Joy because the Lord, who is my Shepherd, has given me everything I need, and goodness and mercy are following me today.
Joy because everything I need to know has already been settled on the cross.
Isn't that the bottom line?
This joy is so meaningful to me today because of a series of thoughts I haven't been able to shake for a long time. These thoughts are mostly on the weightier issues of life, like, you know, saving the world and stuff. Some of this is the product of growing up in a missionary family, and most of it is the product of much misunderstanding of who Jesus is and what He expects of me. I've struggled for years over the issue of "life calling" and ministry, feeling an overwhelming angst/ responsibility to all that I've seen overseas: poverty, famine, slavery, disease. And I have to come face to face with myself and admit: I don't know how to change the world. I have no brilliant tricks up my sleeve, no stored-away vision I'm waiting to introduce at the right time. That's the underlining stress, right? That I don't know what to do. But after traveling through the pain and grit of 14 different countries, what do I do with a heart that can't shake these things?
Actually, I know what I've usually done with this heart: either I take the weight of the world on my shoulders, placing my entire value as a person in my proximity to a third world nation, or I become overwhelmed and stay inside my apartment and read some books. Neither is what Jesus wants from me.
Last week I wrote about the gardener of Gethsemane, and my sister commented something I've needed to consider all week long:
"This gardener was 'called' to be and do these things for the pleasure of Jesus, so that Jesus could find rest and quiet there. It challenges me to be faithful in the mundane of what I'm called to now, if for no other reason than that Jesus will find pleasure in this hard, tending work."
For the pleasure of Jesus. How have I gotten so confused, and why is today the day that I finally understand? I'll write more another time, but for now, I'll rest in His joy.
Yay! I love you deeply deeply, so deeply, Jesus.
Joy because everything I need to know has already been settled on the cross.
Isn't that the bottom line?
This joy is so meaningful to me today because of a series of thoughts I haven't been able to shake for a long time. These thoughts are mostly on the weightier issues of life, like, you know, saving the world and stuff. Some of this is the product of growing up in a missionary family, and most of it is the product of much misunderstanding of who Jesus is and what He expects of me. I've struggled for years over the issue of "life calling" and ministry, feeling an overwhelming angst/ responsibility to all that I've seen overseas: poverty, famine, slavery, disease. And I have to come face to face with myself and admit: I don't know how to change the world. I have no brilliant tricks up my sleeve, no stored-away vision I'm waiting to introduce at the right time. That's the underlining stress, right? That I don't know what to do. But after traveling through the pain and grit of 14 different countries, what do I do with a heart that can't shake these things?
Actually, I know what I've usually done with this heart: either I take the weight of the world on my shoulders, placing my entire value as a person in my proximity to a third world nation, or I become overwhelmed and stay inside my apartment and read some books. Neither is what Jesus wants from me.
Last week I wrote about the gardener of Gethsemane, and my sister commented something I've needed to consider all week long:
"This gardener was 'called' to be and do these things for the pleasure of Jesus, so that Jesus could find rest and quiet there. It challenges me to be faithful in the mundane of what I'm called to now, if for no other reason than that Jesus will find pleasure in this hard, tending work."
For the pleasure of Jesus. How have I gotten so confused, and why is today the day that I finally understand? I'll write more another time, but for now, I'll rest in His joy.
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| From the strawberry patch in the front. So tiny! |
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| The biggest cucumber the world's ever seen! I should have taken it to the fair. |
A BLUE sunrise?! That sounds crazy! And that's awesome that you wake up feeling happy and full of joy. (I wish my mornings were more like that. :P)
ReplyDeleteAbout the gardener, sometimes it takes a while to find the meaning in things, or maybe you were looking too hard? I find when I'm looking for something, I'm looking too hard for it and it's usually staring at me in the face. I don't know, I'm just speculating.
Rereading that message, one part of it stuck out at me: "...faithful in the mundane..."
I always thought that serving Jesus meant that I'd have to do something big, something out of my element. And that always scared me. And then here's this one little part of the big story that everyone always glances over, until now. I'm still confused on how little things can serve Jesus; maybe I'm just confusing myself more. :/ I think I got off topic.
Rachel! Sorry for such a late reply...I've been in Mexico :)
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean about feeling like we have to do something "out of our element" for Jesus! I'm gonna keep exploring this topic for a little while, but for now, we should commit together to figuring out what the Bible actually asks us to do...like faithfulness, obedience, belief. It's really hard for me to wrap my head/ heart around all these things!
I'm beginning to understand how Jesus loves the little, mundane things we do. This summer I'm spending tons of time with my niece and nephew, and I realize that I don't want them to try to do impressive things for my attention. I just want to watch them, excited about all their explorations and findings in life. I want relationship with them. I don't think God wants me to do things for Him as much as He wants me to have relationship with Him...and then stuff for Him will come as a natural result?
Love you girl! Happy to be hanging out with you via blogging. :)